I couldn’t figure out what to do with a few million dollars I had in an account…
See, 7 months ago I found out I had a brain disease that kills over 80% of people who have it, and that I was going to die soon.
I sat in the doctor’s office, alone, sitting on that annoying white paper that sticks to your ass when you move…
When the doctor came in and told me that the excruciating pain I was in was because I had a deadly disease.
I wasn’t scared, and I didn’t cry. In fact, I had almost no emotional reaction right away.
I just said, “Thank you,” and got into my car and drove back to the office.
I didn’t tell anyone for almost a month, and I still hadn’t cried.
I spent that month evaluating what I wanted in my life, and I realized something…
80% of the things I had and did in my life, I did NOT want to deal with for (literally) the rest of my probably short life.
If I only had a few years left (if I was lucky), I did NOT want to keep living the way I was.
At the time, I was apart of a toxic relationship that drained the life out of me every day. I stayed, up to that point, because I kept thinking it would change and that I had time to figure it out…
I was so routined and regimented that I felt like a robot every day because I thought I had time to enjoy life and live the life I wanted once I hit all my goals in 5-10 years…
Holy fuck, I was wrong.
Suddenly, I had no time.
The news that I was likely to die wasn’t overly alarming. I’m not afraid to die.
In fact, if I’m honest, I was more afraid of having to live in excruciating physical pain for a few more years.
I was in so much pain that I would convulse uncontrollably because my body couldn’t tolerate the pain… And mind you, that coming from someone with an extremely high pain tolerance from being a sex slave 20 years ago.
I even at a few points started to look into physician-assisted suicide.
But not because I was depressed or sad or upset. The opposite. I loved life.
But I had no life anymore. I was in so much pain it seemed like a torture sentence to live another few years like that.
So, after a month or so I started calling my lawyers and creating my will and figuring out what to do with assets when I’m gone.
Most of my money is inside my businesses or invested… a strategy that has served me very well and helps me multiply my wealth passively.
But I had a few million in cash sitting around.
So I started telling my closest friends, which was about 3 people in total. I didn’t even tell the woman who is like my second mom at this point.
I decided I wasn’t going to “give up” so fast, as I had only been sick and in pain for a little over a month.
Instead, I started recreating my life and doing things I normally wouldn’t do.
I started living by my motto of “try everything… TWICE.”
✔️I broke up with my partner and removed them from my life completely.
✔️I ditched 80% of my routine that didn’t make me EXTREMELY happy.
✔️I started going out with friends and socializing.
✔️For the first time in a longggg time, I made out with a random stranger in a bar just because I wanted to and I was tired of not doing what I wanted to do because it was frowned on or would influence what people thought of me.
✔️I went back to my first love, dancing. and spent an hour every day in the studio, sometimes in the middle of the workday.
And, though this will get me a lot of shit, I did something that changed my life…
✔️I did ecstasy.
Two things happened:
✅1. I was able to experience another side of myself which I usually hide and find that it was safe to be that person.
Specifically, I’m talking about being affectionate (which I’m not usually) and touching (which I usually hate).
Suddenly though, I didn’t have any fears or worries about those things.
✅ 2. I felt ZERO psychical pain
For the first time in months, my headache was gone.
This was life-changing because it gave me HOPE.
I thought… if I can feel better while on ecstasy then maybe I can cure this and start feeling better.
Now, for all the critics, I’m not at all suggesting everyone who’s sick or bored go out and try ecstasy or copy any of what I did.
Through all of this, I started meditating 1-2 hours every day, which is extremely difficult to do.
I read every book I could, starting with Dr. Dispensa, about healing myself naturally.
Now with being sick, I wasn’t afraid to die, but there was one thing left in my life I have worked for since I started my business…
Adopting a child.
Everything I have done in the last 7 years has been so that I could help millions of kids and adopt at least a few.
I found out, though, that both from an ethical and legal standpoint that the ONE thing I spent my entire life working towards…. The ONE goal I cared about…
I would never be able to achieve it.
They don’t give kids to dying people.
After that, I was broken.
I felt no reason to keep trying and putting up with extreme physical pain if I am never going to be able to do the one thing that matters to me.
I found this out about a month ago.
Again, I revisited the idea of quitting altogether.
A life of physical pain that had no hope of ending and prevented me from doing the things that make me happy (adopting kids) is no life at all…
But, I got an email from a specialist doctor in London, saying he’d be willing to see me and assess my condition and see if I had any options.
So in my head (though I didn’t tell any friends or family this), I was flying as my last-ditch effort.
If I didn’t hear that I had hope of feeling better, I was probably going to quit altogether.
Maybe this time when I was considering quitting, it was influenced by both physical pain and a bit of depression realizing my life purpose (helping kids) was gone.
I don’t consider myself a particularly weak person. But the amount of physical pain I had been in wasn’t worth it. I was becoming burdensome on my friends and family, and I couldn’t even enjoy life.
So I flew to London.
Hopeful, yet unattached to the outcome and knowing that it will all work out how it’s supposed to.
I didn’t get the news I was hopeful for.
BUT, they did tell me my brain disease was about 10% better from the last time I went in.
I was getting better, for no real logical reason.
Truthfully, I meditated every day imagining myself getting better and my brain healing, and over the last 2 months, I have felt SIGNIFICANTLY better psychically.
Before I was at a level 9-10 in pain. Now, for the most part, it’s at about a 4-5.
I was hoping I’d be 100% better, but I guess now is not my time for that.
I still have more to learn from this experience.
This photo was taken by one of the most important people in my life on the day I found out I have a good chance of living a long life filled with fat adopted babies and lots of alpacas.
Now, as I said, before this I couldn’t figure out what to do that money.
You’d think if you knew you were dying you’d donate it…
And if you knew you were going to live, you’d save it for yourself.
But I’m 99% convinced that the miracle happening in my brain is due in part to my deep desire to help people and give back.
So, on my home from the doctor, I called my lawyer and we donated ALL of it.
(My uber driver about shit himself, and ended up hugging me when I got out).
Now, I still have a long way to go before I am completely better. But I’m positive I will make it.
And, I will keep the lifestyle and lessons I’ve learned, even when I’m cured.
Because life is too short to spend it not loving every minute you’re alive and healthy.
PS- I am continuing to do the things I believe are responsible for my miraculous healing so far…
And I am not giving up my charity helping millions of kids who grew up like me in unspeakable sexual abuse and torture.
I am excited to be getting better and am more focused and determined than ever.
Let’s help some kids!
PPS- Several people asked me to share this here. I wasn’t going to at first, because I don’t like the spotlight.